Bad Credit Girl

I feel really bored today. I still have that cold, and I couldn’t go out last night. As I didn’t have much to do, I reviewed this week’s mail. I come to think now, perhaps it would have been better to stay in bed and do nothing.

As I had a look into my mailbox, the Credit Card Statements began to appear. I don’t want to hear a thing about it. I have no idea how much have I already spent among all my cards, and I don’t think I would like to know. Another “happy” found was the auto loan, which I don’t know why would I have asked for (well, actually I know, who can be without a car in this city!). The only thing that I was happy to find were a few shopping catalogues of my favorite stores that were finally the only things I picked up.

After passing over an hour watching the catalogues and thinking about things I should renew of my wardrobe I remembered of the “non desired mail” and went back for it.

I said I went back for it, not that I opened it. It’s still stacked on the table and I really do not feel encouraged enough to open a single one of those letters. I feel panic of what can they say. I think it’s been more than two months ago since I opened the summaries of some of the credit cards. All the time I’m hoping that my situation will improve, and I’ll catch up with payments and get rid once of loans and debts. But that never happens, and often I don’t know what to do.

I fear losing the things I love and that somehow, maybe, I know I should not have acquired. But I can’t give up my lifestyle or my plans.

I don’t know what to do; I should find a way to start again … but how?